Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Can I tell you a secret?

I can't stop turning this idea over in my mind and I'm not sure if it's just a mental 'I am worth something' post break-up dream or if it's something that I want to do.

I really want to go back to uni and study medicine.

In lots of ways it seems crazy... I won't be able to take the GAMSAT next year because it's really not enough prep time for someone who has no exposure to chemistry or biology. I'll have to find some text books and teach myself the subjects, and then go over the rest of the stuff that's involved. Some of it sounded like it would have been easy for me back in high school, but now the idea of writing essays seems somewhat intimidating. And then there's the money... no income for four years! That will be hard to go back to :( But... when I think about it I get that little excited thrill of the unknown. I already know I love helping people and I'm pretty sure I would make a great GP or paediatrician. Or if I were really ambitious I could go into neuro stuff, it's so fascinating.

I don't know, it seems crazy and stupid... but I just can't stop thinking about it.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Small Things Barely Worth Mentioning

I'm probably not actually back. But I'm back to not eating and spending hours reading blogs and immersing myself in the world of make-believe and it is keeping me sane.

I don't really want to say what happened. My only reason to eat went away and now it's ok again?

I find it so sad that this is the truth. I'd actually thought I'd gotten better, but I've come to the realisation that I can eat for other people but I can't eat for me. I am strangely okay with this, probably because I have been running on empty for a week now and I still can't look at food. You've got to love what a broken heart can do for an eating disorder. 

On the other hand, despite the small matter of the broken heart, I feel amazing. I've been overseas and had my world infinitely expanded. I feel like I can do anything I want, I just need to work out exactly what that will be.

It's exciting and the world is full of possibilities...